As a big opportunity in my career draws near, I begin to wonder and reflect if it was all for a purpose. The rejection, the anxiety, the self doubt and the sheer torment that I felt when my dreams were shattered… It was in those moments that I discovered myself as a dancer, a choreographer and most importantly a person. I found out that maybe I wasn’t as comfortable with being vulnerable or “at risk” as I thought I was in the past. My life up until that point had gone off without that many upsets or disappointments. The only ones that had truly affected me, all had one thing in common. They all stemmed from one of the constants in my life. DANCE.
At the young age of three, the biggest love of my childhood was discovered. My mother and I were walking outside, in a shopping center located in the small town of Olney, MD. Breaking away from my mothers hand, I quickly slipped away and found out how it felt to be in awe of Dance. I stood there, nose pressed against the glass, as the girls “twirled”, “spun” and “leapt” across the floor. From that day forward I was hooked, nothing would hold my attention as long as the art of dance. It immediately became important to me, without even having had tried it. I knew I loved it. All I had to do was see it, not even do it, to believe I would want and need to have dance be a part of my life, for the rest of my life.
After my mom inquired about the general guidelines and schedule of the studio, I overheard the instructor say “all of our little students must be potty trained.” The two words “potty trained”, would be ringing in my little three year old ears. This would prove to be an issue for my diaper wearing self. The only way I could get into a dance class would be learning to do something as basic and humanly fundamental as using the “big girl potty.” In no time, I did it. I learned to go on the toilet, quickly, I never had an accident again. It was all so that I could put on those pink tights and leotard, in order to, Dance. I fell even more in love with movement, the art of creativity and dance, than I had ever imagined possible at the age of three. I was like a fish to the bait and I couldn’t have freed myself, even if I did everything in my power to wiggle out.
The first few years of my training were spent at a dance studio intended more for recreational purposes. The instructor pulled my mother to the side after the recital and told her that I needed to go to a stronger school to continue my studies. Apparently, I had too much talent and passion, my needs could not be met where I was already taking classes. The teacher spoke out and cared enough to be honest with my mother and I, a turning point that I look back on and thank her for every day. Thank you Miss Laurie! It was at that same recital, only two years prior at the age of four, that I stood up on stage directing my peers. I had make-up smeared all over my face, my eyeliner drawn on from temple to temple. In my mind I was their teacher and I assume in my mind their superior, though I probably looked more like a clown. In that moment, the instructor and choreographer in me was born.
My mom took to heart the teachers recommendation. The following year I would continue my studies at The Maryland Youth Ballet, under the direction of Tensia Fonseca, Michelle Lees, Jennifer Cox, Harriet Moncure Fellows and Rody Jerguson. Little did I know the real training had only one just begun. It was tedious, rigorous and a bit strict, but I never complained because I loved every single second of it. In one short year, my foundation was corrected and I was on a path, pushing myself along the way, towards my goals. I wasn’t always sure where that pathway would go, in terms of dance, but I knew I wanted to be on it.
You know the age old question… what do you want to be when you grow up little one? My answer… Well, it was a choreographer. Most children my age didn’t even know what that was, not me. A choreographer, was my answer every single time. The answer wasn’t a meaningless word or occupation, stemming from that weeks current interests. Honestly, I do not even recall there being many other interests of mine. I was a one path kind of kid, I wasn’t going to give it up for anything. My answer would become a reality, because to me there really was no other option and there still isn’t in my present life.
My parents were so supportive of my dreams and still are to this day. They encouraged me to collect pamphlets of my dream colleges, after attending a college fair for my older brother. Some may think it was a LOT too soon for that, but I was eight years old, my top school of choice was Julliard School of Dance and in my mind that pamphlet was an acceptance letter. Even then I had big dreams and still believe in the importance of dreaming big. The Julliard School of Dance pamphlet sat under the rolling microwave stand for years collecting dust, but serving as a reminder to always continue pushing myself towards my goals. I know my friends thought my parents were forcing me to be as serious and motivated about dance as I was, but they never did. Not once. I would have loved for them to come catch a glimpse of me doing a full, ONE WOMAN, version of The Nutcracker for my entire family, every time they would come to a gathering at my house. I always felt the support of my parents. It was just that, support. Never anything else. They watched as I reached for my dreams, even though some of them may have been a bit unrealistic, they never deterred from pursuing them. The difference is that I found my passion extremely early in my life. I was super lucky to know what I wanted to do, but I wouldn’t always be that lucky in terms of dance. However, the rest of the story is yet to unfold…
I progressed very well in my studies and had what MYB thought of as the ideal body type and proportions, along with the personality for ballet. A long neck, tiny torso and somewhat long legs for my height. I believe the thing that made me stand out was my presence, my passion and my poise. No one had to tell me to incorporate my head, to smile, to open up and be graceful, I just did it. It was natural and second nature to me, it always felt like home. One of my teachers said “She is a beautiful girl, but when she is on stage she is simply stunning… I cannot take my eyes off of her.” That same teacher grew to dislike me later in my training… more on that later.
I had a tendency to be a bit of a ham, if you will, and I still obviously can be. I enjoyed being on stage, nothing could compare. The nerves, the excitement, the atmosphere and even the smell of the theater was intoxicating to me. Yes, I said intoxicating, but it was to me. Dance was the stimulant that I wouldn’t be able to go on without. Performing was easy, fun and new experience each time. I felt inspired. Energetic. Empowered.
…..
….
..
.
DancEmpathy 